Advent Self-Care: Avoiding Performance Mode

As far as my Advent journey is going, I’m doing okay with napping and getting out to enjoy events and activities that are life giving. Perhaps where I’m not doing so well is fighting the need to do everything perfectly, whether it’s gifts, baking up a storm of treats or planning Christmas eve worship.

For some of us, the pressure of “performing” at this time of year is a non-issue. There are people so secure in themselves and their gifts that they just do what is needed and calmly rely on God or themselves to pull it all off. For others of us, particularly type-A pleasing types, this isn’t so easy. We feel pressure in other busy times, but Advent and Christmas are heightened by extra people coming to ‘check out’ church (or appease relatives) and expectations from many sources, including a performance-like quality to worship and seasonal extras like a Christmas pageant or concert.

I will never forget working at one church where we did a Sunday school Christmas play. As it started I turned around to a sea of video cameras. The importance of the pageant had been communicated to me, but suddenly I was in the throes of forever immortalized performances of children. As I prepare for my first Christmas Eve service, I have to admit to feeling a bit of pressure to make it accessible and enjoyable to the C and Es (Christmas and Easter folks) and un-churched family, but also hitting on ironclad traditions and choosing music that conveys the message but will be familiar and not too heavy on theology lingo.

I have no idea what parts of the season you are overseeing, and it may just be hosting family Christmas dinner, which of itself is taxing, especially for perfectionists. How do we turn off the drama and keep our focus on the Saviour? Here are some ideas:

a) Make sure you are taking time away from the programs and planning to just be. Read scripture that is not primary to services or programs you are leading and just soak in it without an agenda beyond your own nourishment. Open yourself to hearing what God is saying to you, not for you to use to teach others.

b) Plan carefully, but also know when to just let it go. There is no service or program that is perfect, despite our best efforts. At a certain point, we trust that God will show up and possibly fix the things we’ve missed without our even knowing. God also shows up in the people helping who care about this as much as you.   

c) Pray for wisdom and an understanding of the people you are serving through whatever you are doing, whether that’s noting vegetarians coming to dinner or the ages of those showing up at each service or activity. This is not about you, it’s about helping people to welcome the Christ child into their lives. Pray about that focus.

d) Especially at this time of year, people generally understand your busyness and do notice effort put into things. They are likely to extend grace if things go off the rails. Model hospitality and genuine welcome and your efforts will be even more warmly received. Maya Angelou is often quoted as saying that people will forget what you say and what you do but they will remember how you made them feel.

e) Be honest with yourself about your fatigue that can lead to irritability and even irrationality about how things need to be. See last week’s blog about sleep to help you be in better shape to do what is needed.

f) Know and accept that things will not go exactly as you imagined or planned. Don’t see these moments as failures but instead as opportunities for Christ to shine through the cracks. Sometimes it is in the unexpected that God speaks loudest.

We allow others to focus more on Jesus when we are focused on Jesus ourselves. Try to maintain that focus no matter what storms may threaten in these last two weeks before the big day. This is all about Him and no one else’s opinion should really matter.

May you find God’s peace as you move through your planning to rejoicing.