Establishing Worship Routines
/I plan to write about the issue of “trickle in syndrome” another time, but as programs start up again with perhaps new faces, routines are really important. Whether you have brand new people to your church or transition of participants moving up to the next class or group, setting expectations is important for everyone to feel secure and relaxed and able to fully engage. This week I focus on worship routines.
Even adults need to know what is expected of them, and hopefully you have people new to worship or who haven’t been in a long while. This indicates positive growth, and these are the people who are likely to be confused and unsure of what to do. If they have children, the anxiety for everyone can go up a notch. So how do you communicate routines in a way that is warm and helpful, and not cold and judgy? Here are some ideas to consider:
Have the conversation with volunteers and staff about what they actually expect. You may not all be on the same page, which only adds to the confusion. Is it okay for children to move around during the service or to come up front with leadership? Is it okay for them to come and go as they need and how is that handled - do parents need to go with them? Will wiggly older children be allowed in the nursery until Sunday school if they aren’t yet ready to listen in church, or are there other options to help them understand and integrate into what is going on? What are you hoping people will get out of worship experiences? These can be tough conversations, but they are critical to creating a path forward.
As you firm up expectations and hopes for participation and support of families and newcomers, don’t forget to acknowledge the congregation’s history and culture. Older generations may struggle with younger generations bringing in Tim’s coffee, toys or technology, or with children who speak out or move around. So much has shifted in parenting and the world of today’s kids. What worked decades ago doesn’t necessarily now. If your plans mean a shift in congregational culture, figure out a game plan from the worship leader down to ushers and greeters to help this to happen smoothly.
Troubleshoot behaviours that are concerning, but think of them as opportunities to help and support rather than problems to address. If parents are part of the leadership, talk with them about helping to find an adult or youth buddy to support their kids while they’re busy. If parents have more than one child who struggles with learning worship skills like sitting and listening, find someone who can develop a relationship and sit with each child and give them a secure presence and support. If distracting toys are being brought into worship, talk about different choices that are still appealing to kids who need to be doing something with their hands, whether kids’ worship bulletins or puzzles or softer toys.
Build the expectations into worship itself. Print in the bulletin a list of how we worship and why, sometimes called Holy Manners (i.e. we talk quietly because people are listening for God, we walk slowly so that we don’t knock someone down, we listen to what is being said). Provide opportunities to practice these skills and talk about them at children’s time. Build on skills as they are learned and celebrate when kids master them, especially if it was hard for them.
Find ways to ensure that everyone feels an important part of what is happening. Children matched with a parent or buddy can be excellent greeters. Some are terrific readers or have other gifts that will enhance worship in a unique way. With support and encouragement they can feel very much part of what is going on and valued. Create safe space for parents to address concerns and for you to consider together the best way to make their kids feel at home in worship. Distracting behaviour often indicates tiredness, frustration or anxiety. Work to help the whole family so that kids feel that church is a safe place to come to where they feel in control of themselves and secure.
Carefully plan worship considering language used and opportunities for movement and visual elements. What will children understand and what is too long or wordy or foreign to them? Explain aspects of liturgy that are important and consider changing language to address not only a child’s vocabulary but the adults who also may not understand. In most churches, children are only in the sanctuary for a short window of time, so consider that time carefully and how it can be sensitive to their attention spans and needs.
Worship should be a joyful time for the whole family of God. These suggestions merely scratch the surface but hopefully will encourage reflection and even discussion about how we affirm the presence of all generations at services and include newcomers. Children are constantly learning and able to reflect God’s love for the rest of us in powerful ways. How does your congregation currently make families and young people feel welcome? What strategies do you currently use to make sure that you are inclusive of their needs?